It has taken me about 16 days to make a post in regards to anything "New Year's" resolution(ey). Y'all skip over that made up word, you know what I mean. Mostly because I am the type of person who is a perfectionist and i hate to let people down, so when I realize that there's something I am doing that needs work or improvement, i get on it right away. I love lists, I love accomplishing things, I love setting goals, I basically love anything that ends with achieving. But what I don't love is feeling burnt out, run over, run down, and like I have absolutely nothing left to give to God, to my husband, or to my kids. I run myself ragged accomplishing things for everyone other than myself. Then I try to convince myself it was what God would have me to do. I mean He wants us to serve others, He wants us to love them, sacrifice for them, etc right? I think sometimes we forget that that was the commandment that came second. First, we are to love God with all of our hearts, with all of our souls, and with all of our minds (Matthew 22:37). And only then can we move on to the second most important: Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). And what I am the most guilty of, is loving my neighbor more than myself. Sacrificing my peace, my sanity, my family, my relationship with God, and my time by "loving" others.
One day this past December we were sitting in our community group going through a study on Ephesians and while we were discussing it, one thing kept jumping off the page at me. Ephesians 5:15-16 says "Pay careful attention, then, to how you live ​— ​not as unwise people but as wise — 16 making the most of the time, because the days are evil." Making the most of the time is the part that kept staring me back in the face. I knew immediately that I was guilty of that very thing. I never made the most of my time. I just worked to fill my time. I worked to fill a schedule to keep myself busy. If I'm being completely honest (which I am because Lord knows we need more people being real) I have been like this as long as I can remember. It's my coping mechanism. Instead of dealing with whatever life throws my way, I just keep myself busy so I don't have to think about the emotions or things in my life that need to be dealt with. Even when my daughter Bristol was going through the toughest battle of her life, my response was to keep busy so I didn't break down. But where has that left me? Burnt out, broke down, more anxiety than I can cope with all because I spread my "Yes!" around like its a resource that can never be exhausted. When in fact, that's all I am...exhausted. After reading this verse over and over and contemplating what it means for me, I came to one conclusion. I am not making the most of my time. I am staying busy, but I am not impacting the kingdom. I'm constantly going, but I'm not sharing the gospel of Christ. If I wanted to be real real honest with myself, I would say that, if anything, because I constantly stress myself out by saying yes to everyone, I am showing them very little Jesus. Because the Fancy that shows up is tired, impatient, aggravated, stressed out, frazzled, and a hot mess. And I am pretty sure not one of those is a fruit of the spirit. So by "serving" others, stretching myself thin, and constantly agreeing to do whatever is asked of me, I'm showing up but I'm not showing them Jesus. I don't know where you are but "I would much Rather Show Jesus, than just show Up!
So that has been my Resolution: making the most of my time. Not for just today, tomorrow, or even 2020, but for everyday between now and when Jesus returns, because the days are evil and people need to see Jesus more now than ever before. This past Sunday in church our Pastor said "your money doesn't lie" based on Matthew 6:21 "where your treasures are, there will your heart be also." I would also add that your time doesn't lie. Where are you spending your time? What are you spending it on? Are you making the most of your time?
Stay tuned each week for a new blog post!
